I used to be their go-to man.

We where a tight knit group. Not the kind a rowdy, unruly, derelicts (OK we were that too be only on the side) but truly a unit. Cohesive. Our main asset was trust. At an age where most are vulnerable and self-conscious, we formed a team that bond us together for mutual protection and amusement.

We were a true brotherhood.

But I was not the 'leader'. No. My role was strange and unique. They leaned on me, sure, we all did this, but they had an investment in me. They had their hopes imprinted on me. Maybe it was because I talked most openly about the future. Our future. Perhaps they saw something of themselves reflected in me eyes.

I guess they just loved me, like brothers should.

But something changed as we got older. Ambition and deceit crept into our make-shift alliance. Girls, money, family. It all stacked up around us like the tower of impending life and we had to scale it's maiden wall. Things got more complicated and troublesome and we had a hard time navigating the waters. I wanted to stay our course, but warned everyone of the oncoming danger and realism of growing up. They wanted to explore and charge into the future. We got swept up in a gale of our own strife.

Soon I found myself adrift in my own little boat. No land in sight, no hands on deck.

It was my fault. I was the one they choose, consciously or not, to guide them into the unknown and I couldn't hold on to every hand. It was a big street to cross and I was only one person. So I watched as each of them slipped away from me. They had their own two legs and the will to move them. All I could do was wish them well and try to sneak in some hard-learned lessons and world worn advice.

But in the end I was just singing the same song to a empty room.

Then and now: time. Time I feel pulsing past me, while I do my own thing. But I never let them get too far away from me. This one moves away, that one gets married-I know- I keep track while pretending not to care. But you just don't walk away from a brother. No matter how mad you get at them or if they even speak to you.

I'm a fool in this capacity.

I bear the responsibility so it's my eyes that watch and my mind that records. I do this because I feel I must. Because I want to. Because I never know when, one long to come day, one of them might really need me.

Because, well, cause I used to be their go-to man.

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